i wish our hearts could come together as one..
Having spent the weekend with one of my best friends and her father.. I’ve come home feeling a bit so so.
I do not understand how I am such a bad person that my own father resents me and cannot apologise for swearing at me on christmas and my birthday. I know I’m better off without him but after being hugged and kissed on the cheek goodnight and goodbye by someone elses father, it just makes me want something that I have never and will never have.
Don’t get me wrong, I adore my mum and my brothers, they are everything. Just sucks seeing other people having such good relationships with their fathers, even if they don’t live with them.
I’ve been having nightmares lately, that I will come across him, at a funeral or wedding or birthday. He always has such a scowl on his face and I wake up as soon as confrontation begins.
One day, I will have to face him.
And I do not think I will cope. Too many times I have been hurt by the one man who is meant to be there for me.
Yeah. That’s pretty much it, I will stop talking to myself now. If you read this, I am okay. Don’t freak. Just thinking out loud.
Need to stop stressing about this.. I’ll be fine.. Just couldn’t handle another set back. Failing is my worst fear. And I feel like its all I’m able to do